Techiya Saves The World

place: New York City

time: the future

CHARACTERS:

HENCHMAN 1

HENCHMAN 2

EVIL DICTATOR

TECHIYA

JUSTIN BIEBER

The world is on the precipice of war. Everyone is angry and fights nonstop. Despite a multitude of world leaders trying to make things right, no one is safe and danger and disaster loom. In the middle of it all is Techiya. She has been captured by an evil dictator and must give one final concert before she is the first casualty of war.

HENCHMAN 1

We have her! We’ve got her, sir!

HENCHMAN 2

Heeheehee, she put up a fight but we’ve got her right here, sir.

EVIL DICTATOR

Bring her to me. I don’t believe that two such nincompoops could pull off the greatest trick of all - capturing the most beloved international superstar of our time. Prove it to me!

Henchman 1 and Henchman 2 retrieve a big bag and unzipper it, revealing an unconscious Techiya.

HENCHMAN 1

Some Justin Bieber guy tried to stop us, but he was no match for our power and machine weaponry.

Techiya regains consciousness and sleepily surveys her surroundings.

TECHIYA

Where am I?

HENCHMAN 2

You’re in-

EVIL DICTATOR

Quiet, henchman number two. Hello, Techiya, don’t you recognize me?

TECHIYA

Have we met before?

EVIL DICTATOR

Not in person, but I’ve made a few television appearances, not so different from you.

TECHIYA

Where am I?

EVIL DICTATOR

My weekend palace, the one with the stadium and broadcast center.

TECHIYA

What are you talking about. (She suddenly figures it out) Hey! You’re that evil dictator who everyone is always talking about.

EVIL DICTATOR

Oh, you flatter me.

TECHIYA

I saw you on the news. They said you were an absolutely horrible human being and are one of the worst people ever.

EVIL DICTATOR

Such kind words.

TECHIYA

Why have you brought me here? Wait- how did you even get me here?

EVIL DICTATOR

I have my ways...which usually end up being we poison you and bring you back on a private jet. Don’t worry, you rode in style.

TECHIYA

What do you want from me? I’m just a singer.

EVIL DICTATOR

Oh please, you’re not just a singer, you are the world’s most popular singing sensation, a pop star who is beloved by everyone in all countries. You bring such a light and positivity to the world - ugh, it makes me want to throw up.

TECHIYA

Well I don’t care why you have me here, you’ll never get me to work for you. I want only to sing and bring goodness to the world. (beat) Someone will rescue me and then you’ll be sorry.

EVIL DICTATOR

You’re funny when you’re upset. No, what’s going to happen is that you will be my opening act. You see, tomorrow, I am going to wage war on the world, unleash all my weapons, all my fury, all my horror, but tonight, I shall have you kick off the festivities with a concert.

TECHIYA

You’ll never get me to sing for you.

EVIL DICTATOR

Fine.

TECHIYA

I won’t have to sing?

EVIL DICTATOR

Nope. I’ll just sacrifice you and then we’ll be on our way. Henchmen!

TECHIYA

Okay okay okay. I’ll sing. But know that I’m not singing for you or your guards, I’m singing for the people.

EVIL DICTATOR

Yeah whatever, I just want to use my stadium one last time before someone blows it up. All right, boys, let’s get this show on the road!

Black out. Lights up. Techiya is handcuffed and weak. She stands on stage with a platoon of armed guards surrounding her. The Evil Dictator approaches just before the curtain goes up.

EVIL DICTATOR

Have you done your warm-ups? I’d hate for you to get vocal damage.

TECHIYA

Get away from me.

EVIL DICTATOR

Why the ‘tude, girl? You’re getting to sing the world’s final song, its last lullabye, if you will.

TECHIYA

I hope you know how awful you are.

EVIL DICTATOR

Why do you think I’m so happy? Good luck, girl.

Techiya musters what little strength she has. She turns away from the guards and towards the audience. The stadium is packed and cameras are beaming her performance out to everyone in the world. The entire earth is silent as Techiya croons her first notes. She sings her most popular song. It is a somber ode to humanity and all its wonder. The crowd is rapt, the world’s attention on this unbelievably talented 15-year old girl. As the song progresses, audience members begin to cry. When she hits the modulation, the guards begin to cry. As she belts the final notes, even the Evil Dictator begins to get a little misty-eyed. The song ends, and Techiya receives an international standing ovation. The henchmen join Techiya on stage.

HENCHMAN 1

And now for World War Three. Henchman 2, press the button!

Henchman 2 is about to press the button that initiates World War Three, when the Evil Dictator runs out.

EVIL DICTATOR

Stop stop stop stop! Don’t do it, don’t press the button.

HENCHMAN 1

What?

EVIL DICTATOR

You can’t, we can’t. I can’t. I just can’t go to war anymore. I can’t even be angry, really. I just feel such an overwhelming joy from that song. I don’t know what it is, if it’s the voice, the lyrics, the melody. Haunting, and I just don’t want to go to war. In fact, all I want right now - is a hug. A global hug. From now on, I’m declaring world peace, y’all!

The crowd, at the stadium and beyond, goes wild. Everyone is cheering and chanting Techiya’s name.

TECHIYA

I’m glad you’ve changed your mind.

EVIL DICTATOR

Oh, Techiya, I just couldn’t do anything


evil after hearing that song. And now, I can’t believe I ever wanted to. How ever can I thank you?

TECHIYA

Well for starters, you can let me go.

EVIL DICTATOR

Yes, of course, the handcuffs. Right away.

He snaps his fingers and the henchmen uncuff her. The Evil Dictator’s phone rings.

EVIL DICTATOR (CONT’D)

Hello? It’s for you.

TECHIYA

Hello? Yes, this is her. A what? Really? Well okay, I guess I could accept. All right, see you later. Wow, I just got awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

EVIL DICTATOR

You deserve it, girl.

A voice rings out.

VOICE Techiya, Techiya!

EVIL DICTATOR

Oh my goodness, it’s Justin Bieber!

JUSTIN

BIEBER

Hey, Techiya, I’ve found you!

TECHIYA

Really, Justin, it wasn’t that hard. I’m on international television!

JUSTIN

BIEBER

Techiya, now that the world isn’t going to end, will you marry me?

TECHIYA

Of course, Justin Bieber. But I want to keep my name, it is what I’m most known by and it’s who I am.

JUSTIN

BIEBER

Then may I be Mr. Justin Epstein?

TECHIYA

I like the ring of that.

JUSTIN

BIEBER

Then let me put a ring on that.

Justin Beiber gives Techiya a diamond ring. Evil Dictator continues to cry.

EVIL DICTATOR

It’s just so beautiful!

TECHIYA

All right, world, since we’re not ending anytime soon, let’s keep the party going!

Techiya starts singing again, with Justin Bieber providing back-up vocals and Evil Dictator and Henchmen providing back-up dance. Blackout. End of play.