Techiya My World 2.0

place: Madison Square Garden

time: now

CHARACTERS:

TECHIYA

JENNY

MANAGER

PUBLICIST

JUSTIN BEIBER

LOGAN

ZAC EFRON

This play was written for a student who loves Bieber, Logan, and Zefron.


Techiya sits on an empty stage. She is doing a sound check.

TECHIYA

(singing) I’m doing a sound check, list’ning to the sound, making sure my words and music go ‘round and around. (talking again) How’s it sound, Jenny?

JENNY

It’s all good back here. This concert is going to be amazing. You know you sold out in under a minute, right?

TECHIYA

I know, I broke the records, again.

JENNY

And your album, Fifteen, just went quadruple platinum.

TECHIYA

I know, it’s been a wonderful year for me. My mother is very happy that I gave her my Grammys. She has my Album of the Year trophy on the kitchen table so everyone who enters can see it right away.

Techiya’s Manager enters.

MANAGER

Hey, girl. Barbara Walters called. She wants to make you one of her ten most fascinating people this year.

TECHIYA

Oh I like Barbara Walters. I don’t want to cry, though.

MANAGER

Can’t guarantee anything when it comes to Babs, but it should just be a light-hearted thing. Good publicity.

TECHIYA

When will I have the time? I’m in the middle of sold-out, international tour.

MANAGER

She’s going to come by tomorrow and we’ll film it in the hotel.

TECHIYA

All right.

Techiya’s Publicist enters.

PUBLICISIT

Whaddup, T?

TECHIYA

Just getting ready for my concert. I really want to go back to my room to rest before I have to sing and dance for three hours straight.

PUBLICISIT

Of course, of course, but I have a few requests. There’s a JB here to see you.

TECHIYA

JB?

JUSTIN BIEBER enters.

JUSTIN BEIBER

Oh my goodness, it’s really her!

TECHIYA

What’s Justin Beiber doing here?

JUSTIN BEIBER

Oh, Techiya, I’ve been traveling the world looking for you.

TECHIYA

Oh, Justin, haven’t we talked about this already? I’m far too busy to get married.

JUSTIN BEIBER

Oh come on, Techiya. We’d make such a great team! I already promised to do all the cooking and cleaning, whatever it takes to keep you on the stage and in happiness.

TECHIYA

Really now, Justin. While I appreciate your admiration and affection, I just cannot marry you right now.

JUSTIN BEIBER

Oh come on, girl.

TECHIYA

No, Justin. I need to focus on my career right now.

JUSTIN BEIBER

Fine, but I’ll be back. I’ll keep coming back until I’ve firmly won your heart.

Justin Beiber leaves.

MANAGER

Wow, Techiya. I can’t believe you’ve turned him down twice now.

TECHIYA

I love Justin Beiber, but we’re both such mega-superstars we wouldn’t have any time for each other. What’s the point of being married if we’re never going to be in the same place at the same time?

MANAGER

I dunno, ask Katy Perry and Russell Brand.

PUBLICISIT

Techiya, there’s someone else to see you.

Logan from Big Time Rush rushes in.

LOGAN

Don’t marry him, Techiya! You’d be making the biggest mistake of your life!

TECHIYA

Goodness, Logan. Have some dignity. No, I did not marry Justin Beiber.

LOGAN

Thank goodness. Because I think you should marry me.

TECHIYA

Logan!

LOGAN

Yes, it is I, Logan from Big Time Rush, who is your one true love. Marry me and we’ll go away together.

TECHIYA

Logan, you know how dedicated I am to my music. I can’t just leave it all behind.

LOGAN

Not even to be with me?

TECHIYA

If you don’t respect how important music is to me, then you will never be able to truly love me.

LOGAN

Surely you’re joking. We’d be perfect together!

TECHIYA

Obviously not. And don’t call me Shirley. Goodbye, Logan.

Logan sulks off.

MANAGER

Wow, Techiya. You’re made of much stronger stuff than any of us.

TECHIYA

Music is who I am. You marry me, you marry the music. At least the Beibs sort of got that (Techiya sniffs the air.) Could this really be happening? Could I really be smelling my mother’s homemade spaghetti and meatballs? It couldn’t possibly be true, she’s back in Sharon and I’m here in New York City at Madison Square Garden.

Zac Efron walks in, holding a cassarole dish.

ZAC EFRON

Hello, Techiya.

TECHIYA

Zac Efron? What are you doing with my mother’s spaghetti and meatballs?

ZAC EFRON

I knew you had a big concert today and thought, since you’re so far away from your family right now, that I could bring them to you. I drove all the way to Sharon to get this dish and I brought it right back here to you.

TECHIYA

What do you want from me?

ZAC EFRON

Nothing. I want only to make you happy, and I thought this would help. I’ll leave if you want.

TECHIYA

No, you can stay.

ZAC EFRON

Thanks. I love watching you perform.

TECHIYA

Hey, Zac. How would you like to sing a duet?

ZAC EFRON

I’d love that.

TECHIYA

Hey, I have an idea. How about you join my tour? We can sing duets and you can sing your own songs as well.

ZAC EFRON

That’d be fantastic! Then we could be together all the time. Just you, me, and the music.

TECHIYA

Yes, you, me, and the music.

Techiya and Zac turn towards the audience and sing their song. Blackout. End of play.