The Soccer Game

place: a soccer field.

time: now

CHARACTERS:

TIGER #17

TIGER #3

FAYE

COACH PARKER

KATIE

TORI

POLICE OFFIER

EVIL EVAN

This play was written for a student who played soccer, practiced karate, and in her own work loved dangerous situations.


A soccer field. The Norwood Sharks are facing the Newton Tigers.

TIGER #17

Ugh, it’s the Sharks.

TIGER #3

And that girl Faye. She’s their best striker, with the record for most goals scored in a single season.

TIGER #17

I’m so sick of Faye Parker being so good at everything. She must be stopped.

TIGER #3

But how? I agree, Faye Parker must be destroyed, but, dude, she’s just too good.

TIGER #17

Mark my words. By the end of this game, Faye Parker will be gone from this league and we will, once and for all, be number one.

COACH PARKER

is giving her team a pep talk.

COACH PARKER

Now remember, kids, the Newton Tigers are the number two team in the league, but that’s not going to stop us from crushing them.

TORI

Don’t worry, I’ll stop any goals from going in our net.

KATIE

And I’ll make sure to get the ball from defense to offense. I am the top midfielder, after all.

FAYE

And don’t worry, guys. No one’s gonna take the ball away from me. They’ll have to pry it from my cold, dead feet.

KATIE

What?

FAYE

My point is that I’m very good and I will defeat them.

EVERYONE

Gooooooooo Sharks!

A whistle blows and everyone runs onto the field for the start of the game.

TIGER #17

I hope you’re ready to lose, Faye P.

FAYE

Oh please. Trash talking is such a sad sign of weakness.

The whistle blows, they begin.

KATIE

I got it!

FAYE

I’m open!

TIGER #17

Get her get her get her!

TIGER #17

shoves Faye to stop her from scoring a goal. Bang! Evil Evan approaches with black nunchuks.

EVIL EVAN

Everybody stop!

Everyone stops. Evil Evan approaches with nunchuks a-blazing.

EVIL EVAN

Where’s Timmy Thompson?

Tiger #17 raises his hand meekly.

EVIL EVAN

You- your dad owes me money.

TIGER #17

Okay it’s yours-

EVIL EVAN

He said if I couldn’t have my money, then I could have you. That’s right. He put you up for collateral. Now he’s gonna have to pay me if he wants you back.

Katie whispers to Faye.

KATIE

We have to do something.

TORI

That kid just punched you in the face, we don’t have to do anything!

KATIE

Well we can’t just stand here and let him kidnap that kid.

TORI

Of course we can. I don’t wanna get in trouble. I got homework and a birthday party next week, I’m not about to let myself get kidnapped.

EVIL EVAN

Hey, who’s talking?!

Silence.

EVIL EVAN (CONT’D)

All right, kid, you’re coming with me.

FAYE

Hiiiiiiiiiiyaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

Faye attacks Evil Evan and they fight. Nunchuks fly around.

COACH PARKER

Faye, noooooooo!!!!!

Faye rolls over. She is covered in blood.

TORI

Oh my god they got you!

KATIE

Faye, no!

They run to her when Faye slowly gets up.

FAYE

It’s not my blood, you guys.

TIGER #17

You saved my life! You disarmed the bad guy and saved my life! Even though I just punched you in the face.

FAYE

I may not like you, but that’s no reason to let you get kidnapped and held for ransom.

TIGER #17

Thanks, Faye. And I’m sorry I hit you. Like I said before- you’re just so good at everything. And that includes saving my life.

FAYE

All in a day’s work. Oh hey, the police-

The Police Officer apprehends the suspect and cuffs him.

POLICE OFFICER

Thanks, Faye. Yet another madman off the streets thanks to you.

FAYE

No problem, boys. Just be a little quicker next time, yeah?

POLICE OFFICER

Of course.

COACH PARKER

All right, guys, are you ready to finish this football match? I mean soccer game?

EVERYONE

Yeah.

A whistle blows and Faye takes the ball upfield, scoring easily.

TIGER #17

Good goal, Faye.

They shake hands and continue the game. Blackout. End of play.